Grief is an emotional state that sets in after a great loss and turns into a coping process. It can arise not only after someone’s death, but also at other times, as analytical psychologist Victoria explains. Kimmelmann and Silva.
“It’s a process of coping with pain and it can also be the process of overcoming and elaboration related to marital separation, moving to another city, retirement, loss of a member of the body, among other things”, she says.
This behavior can result in other reactions, identified in psychology as symptoms. Grief, according to Damião Silva, a psychologist and behavior analyst, presents deep sadness, crying spells, isolation, irrational beliefs, guilt, frustration, irritability and even aggression.
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It is important to understand how grief can be overcome to overcome possible health disorders and to offer support to people close to you who are going through it. Brazil already has more than 600,000 deaths from covid-19. Losing someone special, like what is happening in so many families, causes exhausting and even unknown sensations.
Damião Silva indicates the five stages that make up this emotional scenario, according to psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance. “The phases are sequenced, but they can happen concurrently or the person may not experience all of them,” he says.
The denial stage happens right after the loss episode, usually: “It is at this stage that the person starts to act with a defense mechanism and automatic thoughts arise, such as: ‘This couldn’t have happened’ or ‘It could have been with me and not with her'”, says Damião.
At the moment of anger, the person leaves the intense introspection of denial and begins to externalize a feeling: revolt with a tendency to aggressiveness, explains the psychologist.
“During negotiation, thoughts arise that things can go back to the way they were and the person tries to negotiate with himself, with others and with the case of the loss itself.”
The depression stage can be intense and strong. “Usually, that’s when the person starts to truly deal with the loss. At this stage, the person already deals with feelings in a light way, moving on to acceptance.”
According to him, the longer you deny the situation, the longer it will take a person to reach the stage of acceptance.
Psychologist Victoria Kimmelmann e Silva says that physical symptoms can also appear. “Physical pain and psychic pain appear, as well as apathy, insomnia, lack of appetite and organizational difficulties”, disrupting life as a whole. “Unfortunately, many symptoms can lead to a disorganization of the routine and make it difficult for the bereaved person to perform the necessary self-care and health.”
each in their own time
There is no ready-made recipe for how grief should be viewed. Silva reinforces that everyone has their own process. “It is important to note that, while there are common symptoms, each person experiences grief in a unique and singular way, for as long as it takes them.”
The psychologist guides that some practices are adopted, such as reception.
“It is extremely important because, on top of everything, there is still a lot of judgment during the process. It is possible to identify a bruise on the body and the possible pain it causes. But the pain of grief is internal, it is hidden and is not evident” , says. “It is important that the environment can give support and understanding to the person, whether at work or in personal life.”
Seeking help from health professionals is recommended to elaborate on issues related to the loss and the person who died. “In addition, another safe space for reception that provides mental health and returns to routine after the loss. Psychologists, psychiatrists and other types of therapists can be very suitable for these jobs.”
The psychologists interviewed indicate some books that can be comforting for moments of grief.
Check out the suggestions:
Women Who Run With Wolves – Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Price: BRL 33.89*
Amazon’s Top Selling Item in Psychoanalysis, Health, Fitness & Diet. The book contains several stories and myths. For psychologist Victoria Kimmelmann e Silva, the author has reflections on the cycles of life and death. Clarissa Pinkola Estés is a Jungian analyst who investigates women in their broad form in nature, with the feminine instinct, and realizes the key to the feeling of powerlessness that the modern woman carries. Publisher Rocco.
Miss Nina – Two Reasons Not to Cry – Ziraldo
Price: BRL 34.29*
The title, indicated by the two psychologists, Victoria Kimmelmann e Silva and Damião Silva, tells the story of Nina, a little girl who lost her dear grandmother and has to deal with grief, being just a child. Victoria and Damião point out that it is an excellent option for all ages, but especially for the little ones. The book presents a complexity that adults will understand and talks about pain and hope. Publisher Improvements.
The Wheel of Life – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Price: BRL 39.89*
The book by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross is one of Victoria Kimmelmann e Silva’s recommendations. In the book, the author reports her experience with HIV patients who developed AIDS and elderly people with fatal diseases. According to the psychologist, the title brings countless messages of discoveries and compassion, a feeling so important in the current times. Sextant Publisher.
Talking About Mourning – Edirrah Gorett Bucar Soares and Maria Aparecida Mautoni
Price: BRL 29.53*
Following the vision of Victoria Kimmelmann e Silva, the title follows the self-help style and proposes to support people in the challenge of dealing with anguish better. The authors bring testimonials, reflections and guidelines so that people can better understand the grieving process and how they can keep moving forward, even after a great loss. Publisher Agora.
Death is a Day Worth Living – Ana Claudia Quintana Arantes
Price: BRL 28.90*
According to psychologist Damião Silva, Ana Claudia Arantes’ title is easy and fluid, presenting topics that are still considered taboo by society. The author is a doctor and tells details of the difficulties she faced during her life to be understood. She reports that patients deserve attention, even when there is no longer any chance of cure. In the book, she works with fear and anguish in a light way and reinforces that we must accept our essence so that the end is just “the natural end of a walk”. Sextant Publisher.
On Death and Dying – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Price: BRL 37.91*
The indication of psychologist Damião Silva talks about the stages of grief, already listed by him, with references to the author of the book, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. In the title, she writes about the experiences she had with terminally ill patients, what their agonies and frustrations were. The words come in an attempt to encourage people not to turn away from the condemned sick, but to help them. Publisher WMF Martins Fontes.
The Intermittences of Death – José Saramago
Price: BRL 31.49*
Damião Silva’s latest nomination is a classic by José Saramago. The psychologist reinforces that grief is part of our human existence and there is no way to escape it, but we can alleviate it and the book can help. In this title, the author reflects on death and how it will come to all people, regardless of their social class or financial conditions, because it is a human and natural condition. In words, he brings good humor and bitterness in the right measure, to make the theme light and relaxed. Publisher Companhia das Letras.
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*Prices and listing were checked on October 29, 2021 to update this story. It may be that they vary over time.
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