“Why only one casting week when you can have two?” Heidi wants to know at the beginning of the episode in her video message to the models and I immediately have an answer ready: Because the casting episodes are unfortunately always very boring and their only added value is that we learn that there appears to be a brand called Inivisibobble – the more you know!
Then Ms. Klum says the same sentence that she must have said to her husband Tom Kaulitz before he started his podcast: “It’s time for the money to come in!”
For this reason, there are three castings for the models today. Those candidates who were invited to one are hilarious and Luca even describes their feelings of happiness as “purely awesome”, while the participants without a casting invitation for the rest of the episode make melancholic laps through the model villa as if they were house spirits, and at regular intervals crying into the camera because today they have to do what I personally have been craving for months: Absolutely nothing!
change of scene! Casting for fictitious-sounding hair tie company Invisibobble, it’s all about “summer feelings” and “fruit fiestas,” as Sophie Trelles-Tvede and Grace Forsyth (two people whose names don’t necessarily help me remember Invisibobble for a real company) explain. For this, the models have to style their hair themselves. Although Sophie uses a pineapple as a microphone and throws flowers in the air, Luca wins. Purgeil!
Later, at the casting for jewelry brand Six, Viola styles herself according to the casting brief for her “dream job” and then, for some reason, explains to the casting people that that’s how she is No way would go to work. Creative Director Jen Maerkert is particularly annoyed by this statement. “You get the feeling that she’s still a bit between two worlds: on the one hand model, on the other hand crazy,” she explains to us, as if you can’t reach for the stars and just be both. Look at Naomi Campbell: do you think she threw her phone at her assistant back then because she was mentally fit? I beg you!
Unsurprisingly, it’s not Viola but Noella who gets the job at this casting; her second order in a short time. Chapeau!
The third and (hopefully) final casting is at hair care brand Jean & Len. Just when I thought the casting chores couldn’t get any more confusing, the models were asked to present the hair care products along with different flowers that also convey emotions. huh Is there anything else? Should the models also do cartwheels and gargle backwards “Image” by John Lennon?
Meanwhile, we see the models who haven’t been invited to auditions making pancakes and sulking at home. Honestly, I’d rather be part of the pancake party when it comes to these abstruse casting tasks.
During her casting, Lieselotte felt compelled to mention that she had applied to “GNTM” with no career prospects, thereby confirming what I had long suspected: that she simply applied to “GNTM” for fun on Saturday evening after a bottle of eggnog , didn’t know anything about it the next day and has had to pay bitterly for her drinking campaign for ten weeks now.
At Jean & Len, Vivien wins the race. “Phew, the castings are finally over!” I say to myself and wipe a bead of sweat from my forehead when it is announced that there is now a last-chance casting for the fashion label Lala Berlin for all the remaining models. As if we hadn’t suffered enough already! Here Martina and Anita emerge as winners.
After video calls with her loved ones, during which Sophie’s Disney villain-looking mother tells her that maybe she just should have tried harder, the moment I’ve been waiting for finally arrives and I’m starting to foam mouth: Three of the younger models confront Lieselotte and explain to her that she must take part in “GNTM” more seriously. Lou-Ann says the same thing my math teacher used to say to me when I didn’t do my homework: “We’re not forcing anyone to be here!”
Lieselotte doesn’t put up with that and just calls out “STOP!” as often as if she were stoned and had just realized that “stop” is an incredibly funny word: stop! To stop! Stop? STOP! “Not so precocious!” she then rebukes. She dislikes the irreverent tone of this conversation. In her interview she then lets us know that meanwhile – in week 10 of a model casting show – her ambition and desire to become a model is developing more and more. At least!
Because we wasted so much airtime with four castings, today we have the photo shoot and the runway challenge in one. The models stand on a platform with two identical kitchen sets, which rotates for some reason I don’t understand, and serves as a further indication that “GNTM” is becoming more and more like “Takeshi’s Castle” week by week. I can only guess, but I think in the finale the contestants will definitely have to jet down the runway in small tanks and shoot each other down.
In these rotating sets, the models will pose while being photographed by photographer Vijat Mohindra, before walking down the runway to meet Heidi and guest judge Jeremy Scott. I do find it a bit odd, as a side note, that the models are put in the role of a housewife in a 1950’s kitchen, but decide not to question it further because feminism, as we know, every Thursday at 8:15pm when I turn on “GNTM”, leaves my body.
Designer Jeremy Scott, who looks like a failing clowns college clown, dresses the models in playful outfits. Although he seems likeable, I still can’t take him completely seriously because he describes Heidi as one of his favorite people in the whole world. For real? If he really liked his “Super Strudel,” as he likes to call her for some reason, that much, he wouldn’t have dressed her in that horrid bunny outfit.
Incidentally, Heidi takes this dress as an opportunity to let us know that her husband Tom also likes to call her “Bunny”, whereupon she blows a kiss into the camera and I quietly vomit into my water glass.
As you might expect, the shoot is extremely chaotic. The models pose with saucepans and plates while the photographer frantically shouts “Face Face Face!” shouts and Heidi and Jeremy shoot out cheeky comments from the side. Lieselotte has decided to show everyone today and is doing her best not to do silly cartwheels through the kitchen or dance the Macarena. According to Heidi and Jeremy, she looks “horny” during her walk, which Lieselotte – who, as is well known, doesn’t speak English – calls “MONEY!” understands and is very happy about this compliment.
Bad news for all viola fans: Unfortunately, the pink-haired mullet queen of our hearts could not convince Heidi this week and has to go home. Surprisingly calm about her sacking, she simply says, “Okay, but thank you!” as if she just found out that her favorite ice cream parlor is out of vanilla ice cream.
But the other models can’t take a deep breath yet: Since the episode lasts 20 minutes after Viola’s expulsion, we know as experienced “GNTM“-Viewers that someone else is sure to be fired anytime soon… or that Heidi will use the next 20 minutes to reveal even more intimate details about the pet names between her and her husband. Phew, no, lucky – there is another expulsion: Inka has to go too.
Just when I think I’ve just seen the most chaotic episode “GNTM” of this season, the preview tells me that the next episode could be even more chaotic: the nude shoot is coming up, and the models have to be in golden body painting as human clock hands hanging in a huge clock. Oh, I’m looking forward to it – it’s going to be purgeil!
Michael Buchinger is an author (“Do you still hate everyone?! Healthy cookies, empty promises and party games. 333 reasons to drive yourself crazy every day”, Heyne), comedian and successful YouTuber. For ICONIST he comments weekly on what is happening in the casting show “Germany’s Next Topmodel”.